I NEED MY SHOES!!!!!!

What was I thinking? Am I insane?

I NEED MY SHOES!!!!

There is a big mirror in my hotel room. There is a CVC store not far from here. I am sure it sells duct tape. I could tape the soles of my shoes and dance on this carpet, even if it is textured in a pattern of blocks in relief, alternating above and below grade. At this moment I'd go for it. If I were careful I would not break my ankle.

WHERE ARE MY SHOES???

In the closet at home, thousands of miles from here, where I banished them four nights ago, after a disastrous tango night. I had considered bringing them along on this trip. But not after last Tuesday night. Good riddance!

In a punishing mood I dropped the shoebag on the floor, pushed it with my foot into the closet. HA! That's the way to show those shoes who's the boss!

I would have liked to give the shoebag a swift, hard kick. That's the thing to do! But ... I am at a loss. I would only be doing it because I have the impression that's what people do, and I wouldn't do it well, lacking both coordination and the ability to move quickly, and so I could go through the motion in a careful, slow, self-aware way. It's not convincing.

Sometimes when I am in a punishing mood, I listen to rock music with a powerful, driving beat. I believe this is what anger feels like. Sometimes when I am frustrated or anxious, I move with a burst of tightly focused energy. For example, I might type hard and fast for a few minutes, or scrub the bathtub vigorously. These actions feel good in my muscles.

I think that I understand why people become angry, to feel that forcefulness, and why they act violently, because the release of vigorous motion of their muscles soothes them. This is channeling power: receiving it and sending it forth. I do this every time I breathe. I am aware that I do it every time I breathe mindfully. Of what am I aware? Cosmic power, passing through.

Perhaps this is the allure of anger, the urge to tap into Power. In the three big religions of the western world, divine anger surely vies with divine love for center stage. Perhaps engaging in anger is one way people claw their way closer to the Divine.

It is commonly believed this is true of dance as well.

I NEED MY SHOES!!!