So Here's the Plan

This morning I go to Mary Alice's deserted house. She is out of town for a long weekend.

I will avoid the neighbor who is coming to play with the cats. There will be no radio, TV. No Internet, no phone calls, no mail or e-mail or voice-mail. I will not go anywhere, not for a drive, not for a walk. I will not even look out the window.

Sometime today at Mary Alice's, amazon will deliver He-Whose-Name-Is-Everywhere.

By opting for home delivery, I am delaying the start of the book for several hours. But I couldn't risk this: Standing in line to buy, someone who has just picked up their copy flips to the back page and shouts: HARRY DIES!!!*

I will not say hello or even thank you to the person who delivers it, lest they let something slip.

While I am waiting for the book I will practice. I will turn the volume down on the stereo before I turn it on, lest Mary Alice have it tuned to a radio talk show that is analyzing You-Know-Who.

I will dance only to DiSarli. I trust him to be too much the gentlemen to let slip a spoiler.

When the package arrives, I will not open it. I will take my one big risk, drive to Melinda's a half mile away.

Melinda will open the package, tear out the last 20 pages, send me away. Under no circumstances am I to be trusted.

Sometime on Sunday I will drive back to Melinda's. She will hand me the pages one by one as I read them. If she talks, I will crumple up the pages I have read and stuff them in her mouth.

Tango class begins at 7 p.m. Sunday. Will I make it?

I read about 1 page per minute. The book is 780 pages. That's 13 hours. Add a few hours for sleep and showers and drinks of water and driving back and forth to Melinda's. A few hours more to put my socks back on every time Rowling knocks them off.

I need 24 hours.

Amazon promises my book will arrive no later than 7 p.m. Saturday.

Nina, I might be a few minutes late to class.


*I SAID yesterday I am making that up. I am not a spoiler!