One Heart Cooks Up a Little Something

If you want something good to eat at my house, head for the bathroom.

In my kitchen, it’s slim, boring pickin’s: V-8, oatmeal, pickled hot peppers. A freezer-burned package of hamburger with one tablespoon missing. A handful of lemons left over from Christmas.

In the bathroom: Lemongrass. Sesame oil. Grapefruit. Rosemary. Almond oil. Pecan oil. Sea salt. Lavender and more lavender. Ginger and orange. Cloves.

Even the ants are confused.

For a few weeks this fall, they flocked to my bathtub. They congregated around the soap dish as if it were a picnic. Every day began and ended with mass murder.

The ants never attempted the ascent into the soap dish, and soon they stopped coming around altogether. Did the smell of ant-death overpower the fresh citrus scent? Did the ant-engineers finally convince the movers and shakers that they couldn’t haul that colossal bar of soap down their hidey-hole?

With the ants squared away, I love my bathroom. I love the scents. Dipping into this and then that. The spectrum of textures, opulent variations on the rich-and-silky theme. The surfeit, the indulgence. I spend hours in the bathroom every day.

Not so much in the kitchen. I drink a lot of V-8. Mix it with a can of beef broth and call it soup. Sometimes I go wild and fix a plate of walnuts and olives and pickled hot peppers.

I like to experiment. I like oatmeal seasoned with savory herbs and hot pepper. Someday soon I will like baked pudding made with sweet tamales in place of bread.

I like asking What if? I like changing one thing. I like crossing lines.

The line between kitchen and bath has always been fuzzy. The tales of the Arabian Nights are filled with women lounging in pools scented with flowers and herbs.

Some Italian women use olive oil to soften their skin. Some Native American women used bear fat. In the 1950s, American women used mayonnaise to condition their hair.

Eggs, oatmeal, honey, sugar, tea, cucumbers, yogurt—all of these have found their way into the bathroom.

I have lemons left over from Christmas. I also have pickled hot peppers.