Fandango de Tango Looking Back 3

Lesson 3
Cabeceo!

I’ve been an abject failure at cabeceo. I don’t like it; it’s terribly brash. One does not look at another person; that’s presumptuous. And a prolonged stare across a room? That’s brazen. Am I supposed to behave as if I am interested? I think not!

That’s been my thinking, but now it has taken a turn. Apparently, despite my objections, I have been practicing this little trick. In Austin I learned: If you want it bad enough, you can make the cabeceo work.

My first cabeceo was born of necessity and not on the dance floor: I knocked over a glass of water. A waiter was scanning the room. I caught his eye, held my breath and held onto the look. In a Texas two-step, he was there, tidying up.

Whoa. Seriously. That’s like having a superhero gaze of power!

By the last night’s milonga, I was cabeceo-ing left and right. I followed all the rules I learned from Barbara Durr at the Denver festival last spring. During cortinas, I returned to my chair, sat up straight, and scanned the room with lively interest.

Yikes! Strangers looked back at me! Doubleyikes! We danced!

It felt brazen. It felt like: Here I am, bring it on! I got away with it because I knew no one. Being in a roomful of strangers affects me strongly, one way or another: sends me scurrying for cover or makes me fearless. This week it was fearless. Go figure.

Now that I have returned home, will it stick? I don’t think so. I don’t want to be the kind of person who has a roving eye, always on the lookout for the next opportunity. I like to be the kind of person who is happy with what is close at hand. I like to go unnoticed, or to be noticed by few. I like to be approached and to accept invitations. I do not like to put myself out there for the taking, nor challenge men to bring it on.

On the other hand…

I often use the technique of cabeceo in reverse, to preempt invitations to dance. It is easy to choose a strategic moment to fuss with the shoes or sip tea.

I like to dance, and I like certain leads very much, and after about one year of preparation, had good success in floating a suggestion of interest to The Mathematician.

I like to not dance, I like to dance. It may be that cabeceo offers just what I need: a way to go unnoticed … until I want to be seen.