Dear Miss Tango Manners:
Help! Last ___ I took a tango lesson. I have taken ___ tango lessons and have ___ them all. In my most recent lesson, however, the teacher, Ms/r ___, threw me for a loop. At the end of the class, s/he insisted we all do a ___ exercise. It went something like this: XXX.
I could not believe it! I was ___!!
Though I felt ___, I kept my peace, went along with the XXX. I did not want to offend my partner or create a ___ scene. As soon as the class was over, I ___.
I will never go back to that ___ teacher again!
Now I feel ___. Are my feelings legitimate, or I am ___? What should I have done? If something like this happens again, what should I do?
___ yours,
Not an XXX Girl
Dear Ms Girl,
Miss Tango Manners, having been a world-class milanguera before settling into the superior profession of advice columnist, feels your pain. You come to tango with your own history of experiences and beliefs and cultural assumptions and yadda yadda yadda.
The question of whether any person’s feelings are legitimate is wrought with psychological implications. Miss Tango Manners finds psychology vulgar (from the Latin vulgaris, meaning “of the mob” or, in common vernacular, common) and therefore tiresome.
Hence, she will turn her attention to your more interesting question: What should you have done, and what should you do in the future?
Two words will suffice: Excuse me.
Speak these words in dulcet tones to your partner, looking him/her in the eye. You may offer a Mona Lisa smile or gracious tilt of the head. Extreme cases (i.e. a favorite, skilled or exceptionally well-groomed partner) may merit a light touch on the arm.
If you are not in sales or parenthood, you may find it difficult to school your face in a manner that befits the moment. It has been observed that feelings have a way of pushing the facial features around.
Miss Tango Manners would like to suggest that you are the boss of your face.
To that end, Miss Tango Manners recommends you buy a beef liver and cook it badly, then masticate it slowly while maintaining an impassively pleasant mien. Barring essential cooking skills, you may wish to peruse the color photos of medical journals. Miss Tango Manners recommends close-ups of dental surgery. Root canals. Extractions. Periodontal disease.
But we digress.
Your purpose here is simple: You are taking care of both you and your partner. While withdrawing from an uncomfortable situation, you are assuring your partner that he/she is blameless. This is basic human kindness, the font of all etiquette.
Having spoken, make your exit.
With queenly bearing, walk out of the room.
If the teacher catches your eye, nod pleasantly as you continue on your way.
Never apologize. Never explain.
Never stand on the sidelines; it makes you a sideshow.
At this point you may wish to retire to the ladies’ room to splash cool water on your wrists. If you are at the Mercury Café, Miss Tango Manners (being of late an environmentalist) would appreciate it if you would use water from the little sink mounted on the back of each toilet.
If you are at the Turnverein, Miss Tango Manners recommends the violet velvet fainting couch in the ladies room. It is luxuriously comfy, quite suitable for indulging in the inevitable moment of self-pity.
This moment is followed close on, Miss Tango Manners trusts, by contemplation on the frailties and flaws of the human race and the fortunate felicity of manners.
Yours in dance,
Miss Tango Manners
MissTangoManners
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